


mamihlapinatapai

by holdenscoffee (spacebarista)



Category: The Expanse Series - James S. A. Corey
Genre: Babylon's Ashes Spoilers, Book Spoilers, F/M, Family Dinners, Mentioned Jim Holden/Naomi Nagata, Mutual Pining, Pining, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-11-04 01:37:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10980639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacebarista/pseuds/holdenscoffee
Summary: It's Saturday, and Alex and Bobbie still manage to have a moment in the chaos of dinner night.





	mamihlapinatapai

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nourgelitnius (Ladysarah)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladysarah/gifts).



> a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... my pal Sarah aka nourgelitnius prompted me for this fic with Alex and Bobbie. It’s my first foray into the ship and I thought this would be a good stepping stone outside of AU stuff I have in mind for them. 
> 
> I hope you like it fam, thanks for checking it out! review if you can?

“a look shared by two people, each wishing that the other would initiate something that they both desire but which neither wants to begin.”

* * *

 

Saturday means family dinner night. They’ve been docked on Luna for a few days, so the crew meets in Holden and Naomi’s rooms. It's usually where they all hang out between meetings and personal shit, like mom and dad’s place. Not home but somewhere you can hang your hat when you need a place to go. The people make it feel like home.

 

The crew sits around the dinner table; Naomi next to Holden, Clarissa and Amos across from them, and Alex and Bobbie across from each other. It’s how they naturally fall. Cap wants to be close to Naomi. Clarissa isn’t ready to sit across from or next to Holden. Naomi prefers to be able to see everyone—never admitting she wants to be near Holden—from her seat. Amos likes to make sure Clarissa eats. And Bobbie and Alex just take whatever seats are left. Across from each other.

 

It’s not so bad of an arrangement, Alex considers as he passes a bowl of rolls to Naomi. Even at the end of the table, he’s in the middle of the action. He can see the Captain and XO shoot each other not-so-secret looks, he can hear Clarissa gently telling Amos she doesn’t want any more pasta. And he can casually watch Bobbie watch the rest of them.

 

The newest member, though not by a lot, seems to sometimes still be losing her sea legs when it comes to them. Whether it’s the lack of formality—outside of the Captain and XO fraternizing—or the memories of a time and crewmates long past, or even confidence in her place with them, he isn’t sure. Those long days spent crammed into the _Razorback_ left them plenty of time to talk. Everything he couldn’t find out from a net search he knows now. Hell, even from his own recollection, the crew of the _Rocinante_ is a far cry from the MMC.

 

He hasn’t failed to notice her gravitating towards him during most of their gatherings. Mentioning obscure Martian references or programs that only he would know. Calling him up when the _Roci_ is docked and asking where the good bars are. Sitting with him on the flight deck when they’re both on duty.

 

Not that he minds, of course.

 

Being in Bobbie’s orbit full time has raised some… thoughts and emotions that Alex hasn’t had about a specific woman in a long time. He danced around naming them, around vocalizing them to her. Who’s to say she even reciprocates? She’s young. Younger than he is by years and more active besides. There are many men—and women— that suit her far better than he. Still. It doesn’t make him want it any less. To want intimacy he’s not known he’s longed for. To sift through every interaction for some hint that she might feel what he feels.

 

His eyes shift from Holden sputtering over some joke Amos threw at him back to Bobbie, and he finds her staring back at him.

 

Alex’s very first thought is “ah, shit”. Even at his age, the act of getting caught watching the object of his ponderings is more embarrassing than pondering to begin with. What might she think of that? What might she think _he’s_ thinking? His second thought is “wait… has she been watching me too?” And what are the implications of that? Bobbie watching him take in his little family, studying his every look and reaction. Looking for… what? His chest warms, his mouth dries. Bobbie’s lips quirk in the barest of grins and he reaches for his glass. His fingers collide with another hand.

 

The chatter from the rest of the table fades to a muted rumble. Alex is surprised to find he doesn’t care. The rest of the crew could leave and he wouldn’t be ruffled at all. It’s might as well be just the two of them. Two Martians having dinner on Luna. Something is different, though Alex can’t quite figure out what it is. He watches Bobbie’s face for some kind of clue. She holds his gaze, steady and confident, until her eyes flick down to their hands. Blink and you miss it. And Alex didn’t blink.

 

Her face changes. Not completely and not all at once. It might not have even been noticeable had Alex not spent so much time in the last few months studying everything about her. Her brows draw together. Her lips part. And her eyes…

 

Alex is almost certain that she sees the same look in his eyes.

 

Their fingers are so close. If either of them wanted to, they could reach out. Touch. Alex wants to. Every atom of his being wants to close that distance. Still, a small voice in his head tells him to wait. To let her take the lead. He wants— _needs—_ to be sure. Fear and anticipation both gnaw at his gut. Fear of rejection. Anticipation of validation. He just… wants it to happen. He wants _her_ to make it happen. He searches her eyes for the question. The request. God… does she want this too? Will she reach for his hand, tell him the one thing he wants to know?

 

Or could he just reach over and—

 

Harsh coughing cuts through his reverie, and the—thin, strange, _beautiful_ —connection he’d managed to keep with her shatters as she finally looks away. Alex lets out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding, and follows her gaze. Holden is coughing, glass of water clutched in his hand as Naomi whacks at his back. Amos guffaws at the spectacle. Clarissa manages to hide her laughter behind her hand. He can piece together what had happened. He turns his attention back to Bobbie.

 

She sips at her own glass. Her eyes don’t meet his. Moment gone.

 

Alex’s attention shifts back to the crew. As always. Holden rises, still choking on air, water, or bread, and ducks into the kitchen. Naomi wipes water off the table and follows him. Clarissa seems to chide Amos in a soft voice while he continues snickering. They have no idea. No idea of what they just helped end. What had been happening right in front of them. His crew is bunch of no-good, ignorant little—

 

His eyes trail back to Bobbie. She’s watching him over her glass. A small grin hidden behind the rim. Her hand still sits inches from his. There it is. There’s the sign.

 

Alex sighs, shoots her a grin back. This is good. This is something. They’re just not ready yet. Hell, he’s still afraid of even the possibility. He can’t imagine what she’s thinking, feeling. But there’s something there. It’s a start. Baby steps. They can sit with their hands like this. They can make a little world all on their own. Hard to maintain, but they can do it. Little Martian baby steps.

 

But it would help if Holden would stop hacking not twenty feet away.


End file.
